Head, Heart & Hands
Putting our thoughts & feelings into action
By Angela Gee
The Pact Family Camp West 2019 program declared that “behavior is the language of children,” and as an adoptee, an adoptive parent, and a marriage and family therapist who works with families and children, I couldn’t agree more.
Brain function and the connection between emotions and actions are well established in the field of behavioral science and are often a focus of my work. Twice a year, my colleague Robyn Joy Park, MFT, joins me in Los Angeles to co-facilitate our Adoptee Identity Development workshops for children and adolescents age 7 to 18. For these workshops, Robyn and I created Head, Heart & Hands, a program designed to encourage youth to connect with their range of feelings and help them learn to identify the circumstances in which those feelings come to the surface. Among our goals is to teach kids how their brains can be in a receptive or a reactive state so they can better understand how to proactively self-regulate, stay calm and feel empowered to initiate actions that advocate for their multiple intersectional identities.
Neuroscientists and practitioners have identified what they refer to as Zones of Arousal, and use this as a model to teach families in simple terms about the meaning of self-regulation and the feeling states that promote or repel openness to connection, listening and learning. According to this model, the green zone represents the optimum receptive state (calm, focused), the blue zone represents a state of hypo-arousal (bored, withdrawn), and the red zone represents a hyper-arousal reactive state (very activated, angry, scared). It is this work that I was invited to bring to the Middles (campers age 6 to 9) at Pact Family Camp West.
Pact Family Camp was, admittedly, a bit overwhelming for this first-timer. It was both daunting and empowering to take in the sheer number of families and adopted children of color in attendance; the deep connections freely experienced by campers and their families; and the fierce commitment, wisdom and enthusiasm shared by every participant. As an adoptee, I was well aware of the potential for big feelings that the Middles might experience. I wondered: What zones of arousal would I encounter? In the context of my programming, I considered the setting, the importance of helping campers achieve that receptive state, and how first-time campers might also feel overwhelmed, self-conscious or reactive. Further, I knew the ability of Pact counselors to hold and contain big feelings would be crucial to giving campers the emotional safety and trust integral to their ability to focus on the Head, Heart & Hands program Robyn and I designed.
It is clinically significant to note the ways in which the human brain, across a person’s lifespan, responds to stress, threat and vulnerability (i.e., flight/flight/freeze response). The autonomic nervous system is at the core of our daily functioning, shaping our experiences of safety and influencing our capacity for connection. The Polyvagal Theory, developed by pioneering behavioral psychologist Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us better understand how our autonomic pathways are replaced with patterns of protection in response to various experiences.
One of our brain’s main functions is survival, so when it is confronted with situations it perceives as unsafe, it may go into a reactive state. Increased stress can cause our zones of arousal to be in the red zone (a stress response state that can cause acting out) or the blue zone (stress response state that can cause withdrawal or shutting down). Adoptees may have a reactive response in their nervous systems that represents an autonomic protection response. This sensitivity may impact the ways in which one approaches new situations and whether the brain is in a receptive or reactive state. It is important for all caregivers to recognize this to best support each other’s needs and create a safe environment that reduces stress. Keeping this in mind, the Head, Heart & Hands program adapted for the Middles included age-appropriate activities — informed by pioneering research in neurobiology and theoretical intervention models — to encourage campers to connect to their thoughts, feelings and actions in an effort to create a deeper sense of awareness, transformation and growth within themselves and with others.
Preparing the campers for our activity was a significant portion of the daily program. Using novel experiential exercises, I focused on creating a receptive brain state and authentic connection with them. I was mindful that the counselors are extraordinary at creating and maintaining trust, safety and boundaries in-group, while also being vigilant to provide individual attention to each camper. As I continue to learn, kids have an incredible ability to adapt to ideas that we grown-ups tend to think of as sophisticated or “adult” especially if we approach ideas from a “bottom-up” somatic experience, rather than from the “top-down” cognitive learning.
To that end, we began each day with an activity to encourage the Middles to connect with both self and community, and to voice adoption and family themes. For this “forced choice” exercise I posted signs in the room (Yes/Agree at one end, No/Disagree at the other end, and Maybe/Sometimes in the middle) and campers moved to the sign that best represented their feelings in response to prompts such as, “I think about my birth family” or “I would like to meet my birth family.” Campers were able to see commonalities or differences among themselves as they moved around the room, and they were allowed to share their reactions to the exercise. The kids showed us how complex — and sometimes confusing — their identities can be. For example, when presented with the statement, “I have siblings,” the kids talked about birth vs. adopted family siblings, siblings who may or may not live with them, and frustrations with school peers who don’t believe them when they say they have siblings.
In a Tai Chi body-stretching sequence, the children eagerly engaged their bodies from head to toe before I introduced them to, and led them in, activities from Augusto Boal’s Theater of the Oppressed. Developed in the 1970s, Boal’s experiential theatrical model enables participants to express and empower themselves as they connect and collaborate to explore collective struggles. I had done some of this work with the adults at Camp, and one of the parents shared that she’d love for her child to experience the powerful feelings the activity had provided her. Feeling confident that the counselors would hold and contain campers’ feelings and behaviors, I proceeded with the intimate Boal activity “Columbian Hypnosis.” Working in pairs, one camper acted as the “hypnotist” and, moving the palm of their hand six inches from the face of the “hypnotized,” slowly guided the other through space. This activity requires trust, awareness and non-verbal communication as partners work together to move safely through the space. As they reverse roles, each participant experiences the empathy of mirroring, leading and following.
In a Boal sculpting exercise, camper pairs were given prompts (“How I’d feel if I met my birthmother” or “How I feel when I’m been bullied”) and took turns silently “sculpting” each other into positions that represented their feelings. It was deeply moving to see their earnest efforts to create the physical embodiment of inner feeling, and as with the adults’ workshop, the kids often sculpted a vision of hope and empowerment. This is the primary goal of Theater of the Oppressed.
Once we’d achieved a receptive state, the campers got down to business (though I believe the experiential exercises provided memorable connections). First, they created a “feelings thermometer” in which each camper associated a color with particular feelings (i.e., blue for sadness, red for anger, etc.). Next, they explored and discussed their feelings in response to different prompts (“I was adopted” and “My Birthmother…” and “hugs” and “taking deep breaths”). Finally, using the colors from the feelings thermometer, each camper filled in a heart on a worksheet with the feeling(s) they associated within these categories; they were encouraged to allow multiple feelings about any given prompt. Some campers authentically shared their difficult feelings about their birth mother or feelings about school: “[My feelings] make it hard to process my math and I can’t think of the answer,” said one child. “I get big feelings inside my body,” said another.
The next activity focused on connecting emotions of the heart with the thoughts in the brain, and we discussed opportunities to respond in a receptive rather than a reactive state. Finally, the children linked their thoughts and feelings to action and discussed ways to be proactive when it comes to self-regulating (being calm) when confronted with racism, being bullied or being the bully, addressing misinformation about adoption or any other challenges they may face. Tracing their own hands, they identified ways in which they can be responsible for their own actions by relying on a variety of tools when in a state of hyper-arousal. These tools include playing with someone else, telling an adult for support or using the strategies contained in W.I.S.E. Up (Walk away, It’s private, Share something, Educate people), a handy acronym of choices kids have when facing nosy questions about adoption.
Viewing behavior as the language of children, our Middles will continue to inform and teach us, as they carry on with their path of growth and transformation. Our own self-awareness and self-regulation is imperative in the work we do alongside our children. Together we can continue to build healthy connections and relationships.
Angela Gee, MFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Los Angeles. An in-race adoptee and adoptive parent, Angela facilitates youth adoption support groups and adoptee identity development workshops that focus on the unique experiences adoptees and their families may encounter.
